The Height of Callousness
by EvoIIICE9A
Summary: Itachi's POV. Itachi reflects back on his life spent with his brother and the bonds that were forged over time. [ItaxSasu, ItaSasu] [Warnings: Fluff, Shounen Ai, Death]


**Series:** Naruto**  
Setting:** Canon  
**Rating:** PG  
**Word Count:** 3,220  
**Warnings: **Slight hints of yaoi but nothing major, more shounen-ai

**Bonus Writer Note:** This was mostly based from a roleplay I had done with a player from my first community so it's a mixture of actual story line, roleplay and my own perspective.

And its written from Itachi's POV so if it doesn't make sense then ummm yeah hides

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**The Height of Callousness**

They say when you die your life flashes by you in your last moment. If that is true death has an amusing way of torturing you as you head towards the end, the sad pathetic life that you lived is replayed just so you can remember how much of your time was wasted.

So why am I reminded of my existence? I'm not dying.

At an early age I showed signs that I was different to the others much to my father's pleasure. By the time I was seven I had graduated top of my class, by eight I unlocked my legacy, by ten I advanced again and soon after I was squad captain for a group of an elite assassin.

Achieving that level wasn't hard with all the training I endured and the effort I put into it, names like prodigy and genius were thrown around frequently by the people around me. I never did like those words; no one is ever born that perfect. Day in day out I spent training my body and mind for the purpose not because it was expected of me but because I wanted to. To be away from everyone the solitude was comforting, it had always been my retreat.

Along came the day came to which I obtained my own squad, that would help to set in motion the direction I was heading, the torment and brutality that was pushed upon me not only by the mission but by the team. Advancement at a young age was quite frowned upon by the others, while in the academy it is seem as excellence while as an elite it was seen as hindrance. My repayment for my success was the humiliation forced upon me as they tried to show me what it was really meant to be a man. Maliciously they tried to break my spirit; little did they know it was already dead.

Isolation is all that I felt but with the calm reach of darkness comes power. You find out things not just any random pointless things; you find the secret of your legacy, what has been hidden throughout the ages never to be spoke of again. You find out the potential glory that is attainable, when that is in your reach nothing matters anymore this is what you are here for. Every human craves power it just takes the ones driven by determination to take that extra step needed to achieve the perfection that they were never born with.

That offer came to me but there was a price, what would I be willing to do to obtain such power and surpass them all. What would I do to have it all mine? There was no doubt what I needed to do not only for 'their' approval but to break the last bonds that tied me to this so called humanity.

By my hands his life ended, the exhilarating sensation of a man's end is a precious thing. I've killed before their blood was spilt by the human inside me, it was killing for survival for the mission, orders to kill are just that but a death to acquire more is satisfying. His vacant stare as water filled his lungs for the last time was breathtaking, his eyes forever in a state of shock as his life was prematurely taken away from him not only by someone he share strong ties with but by his own blood. His blood held the key to greatness with his death came the dawning of a new era, the way it was meant to be.

My family…my clan, this was another price that I was willing to pay for my contract with the devil which was to be sealed through their blood. That night I killed them all…every single one of them, their pleas of hope and despair echoed throughout our small village. Some of them tried to fight back most of them beseeched for their life, all of them fighting a lost cause as none of them had what it took, all of them lacked that was need to survive. They were all weak.

If I had the chance to do it again I would… I do not have any repentance for my actions nor will I ever seek atonement, this is who I am this is the monster that was buried deep inside me for all those years. These tainted hands were never pure.

But there was one left one who was chaste. His frail body quivered as he saw the chaos I had caused, he questioned me he wanted a reason for this madness. Wanting to know who or what could have done this to them, he wanted answers that I could not give. My response was simple his blood would tell him what had happened, clinging to his arm he once again questioned me.

_"Brother, what are you? What are you doing, brother?"_

The look of disbelief as I showed him everything that had happened, forever imprinting that moment into his psyche, eternally breaking the family bond that he had held so true. Did I get pleasure of tormenting him? It wasn't for that purpose that I did it; there was no satisfaction, no anguish, no feelings at all. This had nothing to do with myself. This was for him and only him.

_"Why…why did you…?"_

What did he expect from me? Did he think that I couldn't kill him like the rest of them? He was either driven by anger or pure adrenaline as he tried to fight back, a fleeting moment of bravery cut short by my fist sprawling him out on the ground. The emptiness of the stare, the dejected will, would it be the end?

But like a frightened lamb that strayed from the flock he tried to run, pathetically begging for his life just the same as the rest of them but this would not be where it would end, this one would some day be a worthy adversary. The only way that would be possible is to have him despise me, my existence. Would he take up the offer or would he shy away?

_"Foolish brother, if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life"_

This was my gift to him not his life but to escape the holds of what the clan stood for, he could now be his own person and not someone to be constantly looked down upon. This would give him a purpose to flourish exploring his own potential for one day I knew that we would meet again.

Five years later that day had come.

With my partner in tow we were sent in for the Nine-tails, back once again to my place of birth. It been years since I have set foot on the land but it felt the same as it did before, nothing really changes with time as people live and people die but the land stays the same. But some things had changed…I didn't need to turn around to know it was him.

_"Like you said I hated you, detested you and just to kill you, I've…I've survived"_

He said those words but did he really believe them? His disconsolate face showed otherwise as I revealed that my business had nothing to do with him, this would not be his time to prove his strength but my words alone wouldn't stop him. Charging at me with purpose he tried to strike me down, a foolish move none the less but a man driven by anger will almost hastily rush into a situation without thinking of the consequences. His punishment was thorough this time there was no mercy, he had to be forced into submission…shattering bones, his blood showing him that his goal wasn't yet in his reach. He still didn't have what it took he was too innocent, that scared little child was still hidden under the surface.

_"You are weak. Why are you weak? Because you lack hatred"_

Re-living that day once should have been traumatising enough, his detestation should have exceeded the normal boundaries but yet inside I can see that small glimmer of hope that he clings onto so dearly. It was nothing more than a false perception that person never existed; it was all a mirage to keep the questioning minds at bay, I will never be that person he desires me to be, your feelings can never reach me. When will you understand this?

Bloodied and unconscious would be the state that I would remember him in as we fled the scene, just another reminder of who I was to provoke him further. When would he come with his justice so I can stop waiting for him for to live up to my expectations, show me your potential to surpass them all.

Three years passed from that day, everyday going by with the sicking feeling of my body slipping deeper into the shadows. My days were becoming numbered, to unlock a power it comes with a price…my eyesight had started to fail because of this. Did I feel pity towards myself for giving up everything just to have a terrible repercussion? No. The life you have chosen for yourself is only guided by your hand, your decisions are always ultimately yours and there is no running from it. Soon my usefulness will be over I would have become a wasted pawn in their game, sent out for the slaughter as the king made his move. No regret…this was me.

As expected I was sent out again to acquire the Nine-tails but this time I was alone, no partner no back up it was me alone. Without a word against my orders I left knowing the consequences of failure, I could have taken them on right there and then but I would remain faithful to the end even the face of death.

Days of travel had taken their toll with my body weak from exhaustion without the precious sleep that was needed, Konoha my old home this would be my place to rest. With my safety at stake I headed to the only place that I knew no one would dare to tread…my old village. Musty wind wafted through the barren streets surrounding me with memories of the place, that exhilarating moment when all became clear but yet the stabbing sickness of the consequences came to the surface as I found myself back in my old home. But to my dismay I wasn't alone, he was there too just another wandering soul looking for a place to rest.

No attacks, no complaints about the past, no explanations were needed…he was just there. For the first time that I could remember I slept soundly but in the daylight my thoughts were troubled by the events. He was no longer that child that trembled from confrontation my words finally taken to heart as he sort out the power that he required but yet he still did not use them against me, there was no attempt on my life whatsoever. This time it would be me who wanted to escape for the reality of -his- existence as he spoke of a life together just the two of us. My thoughts in conflict with his words over the possibility that we could ever be in each others company but in order to entertain his request he would have to prove his worth.

A short lived battle followed much to my disbelief a losing one on my behalf as he called off the duel, my faults becoming more apparent the further we advanced. To further the blow to my ego he had the audacity to tell me that I needed him and that he would protect me, my blood boiled this so called genius was nothing more than an impediment. Irrationally I accepted his offer not because it was a bullied decision but more from curiosity to see how it would all play out. There had to be an explanation behind his behaviour after everything I have put him through he was just too calm.

As first light broke through the morning sky we took our leave leaving behind the remnants of the past and headed towards the future but the road to freedom is never a stable one. Talks of the future ensured not only for us but with my involvement with them to which there would certainly be issues. A simple conversation drastically turned into a heated argument as he couldn't understand my reasons for not wanting to fail on my duty, just like that snivelling child who couldn't get his way he left me to contemplate my decision. He wanted to know why I was so eager to end my life that he didn't want to lose me after all this time but my life was never worth the same as his. If they ever found us the price that would be paid would be high, my death only simply wouldn't suffice them as his life would be taken first while I would be forced to watch the horrifying display before they took me to the end.

Anger was all I could feel as my body reacted on own accord slamming him against the nearest object it could find, every time I tried to push his away he kept coming back for more like a glutton for punishment. My fist flew down hard but before they could connect I deflected, flesh torn open as bones snapped from the hard impact on the rocky crevice. Why am I giving in to him all the time? I could not rationalise my own thoughts like something had crushed the demon inside but a man can not change who he is, he can not be tamed so freely. Yet I didn't want to be without him, I didn't want to be alone anymore.

His touch startles me but the warmth of his skin is comforting, his need to be close to me is something I can not reject. At first I was plagued with the fear to touch him but yet he provokes me into doing it, the fear of loneliness fighting with morality preventing me from pushing him away. A fleeting innocent moment quickly turned into troubled thoughts followed by another argument, he said there was nothing wrong with what we had done but why did I feel so sullied. I could have said no at anytime or even forcefully restrained him but yet I willingly gave myself to him much to my dismay. Were these my true feelings shining through that I had been withholding from everyone including myself or was it just the ecstasy of the moment. My apologises seem worthless for what I have done.

A new beginning, a new life. The chance to start over is a high price to pay for someone of my calibre but yet I am here still with him. The seclusion for once is comforting thou it will take some feat to find us out here but the sickening thought that it will all be over soon is hard to shake. The road to perfection is a hard one to follow as you stumble along whatever may come but to me it is finally complete with him by my side. I had chose to give up many aspects of my life for this choice some of which will lead to my downfall, I felt lost without knowing the direction the path I was taking but if I never lived to see another day at least I could say that I was contempt.

That night there was no more shame or hate, no regret as we expressed ourself physically. My eyes opened to everything that I had missed out on in those lost years. It hadn't been about desire for ones touch or the sexual pleasure that came about with any relationship it was much deeper as my body expressed what my words could never say. It was me who had been irrational for all those years I was the one who shut people out so no one's feelings could touch me, my drive was to cover up the anguish that I felt. While my actions towards him were in my mind to protect him and to help him in fact they were to shield myself from him, the only one who ever penetrated that fiend within me. My heart was never closed only barricaded from those I cared about.

Happiness is only a fleeting moment when you're the damned as my presence was finally detected by the group craving my demise for the betrayal but I would not go down without a fight; this was my battle ground they would have to survive me. One by one they started to drop each one of them giving me the fight of my life, this was what I had been waiting for, that killer instinct inside to once again rise up and take its hold. Blindly through the blood lust I spotted him looking on wanting to keep his promise to me but I couldn't let him do it, the fight was mine alone with it being the time to finalise the union. In the end my body had begun to shut down as the drawn out fight had finally taken its toll but I wouldn't give up not while he was there at my side, I would live on for him. I no longer yearned for death.

Crimson mist scattered through the dusk sky followed by the searing pain coursing through my body until the numbness overwhelmed my senses but I didn't care, my thoughts were only of him. Did I protect him or was it all in vain? His piercing screams that are all I can hear penetrating right down into the soul of my very existence, I must shield him but I couldn't move. Is he in pain? Why can't I see him anymore? Muffled pleas and shrieks of terror are the only thing all I can hear.

Am I dying? Maybe this is my atonement for my life, for the sins I have committed. Finally I have found my retreat… my contentment… my reassurance… my want… my love, all with him only to have it sadistically torn away in this cruel twist of fate. The damned will never find their ground forever to be aimlessly wandering in a vicious circle of detestation.

Wetness and warmth against my cheek, the safe secure arms cradling me with his silent sobbing and prayers, I want to tell him that everything is alright that I will be with him always I want to tell him the words I could never say but all I can do his utter his name. No longer am I alone for he is here with me such is the thought that I will take to me to the afterlife.

No I'm not dying here. I will not end it like this; there is only one person who has the honour of concluding it for me and that is him. I will not leave this life until he commands me so for my death will be at his hands alone. This will not…be…my...


End file.
